I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord.
Isaiah 66:9 (NCV)
Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.
They weep as they go to plant their seed,
but they sing as they return with the harvest.
Psalms 126:5 (NLT)
He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother.
Praise the Lord!
It’s hard for me to find adequate words to write this post. It feels surreal and wonderful, and I just can’t stop thanking and praising the Lord that He chose to bless us in this way. Many of you probably don’t know much of our story of infertility and journey to become parents. I don’t want to go into much detail, but I will just say that it has been years of continual spiritual growth (painful and difficult at times) that brought us to a place where we could honestly say, “Lord you are good and faithful, even if you choose never to give us biological children, that doesn’t change those facts of truth. We want you more than we want something from you.” I will never stop thanking Him for the countless ways He changed and softened our hearts, and for the many beautiful truths He opened our eyes to throughout, and because of, the struggle. And just a little side note (although an important one), if you know someone struggling with infertility, give them a little extra love and grace. It’s not an easy thing for other’s to understand, and from personal experience, it’s definitely not easy to go through.
In His wisdom and goodness and sovereignty, the Lord has chosen to bless us with an incredibly special miracle baby that will be arriving in October. Today has been a special day, my first Mother’s Day, as I am just shy of being 16 weeks pregnant. We have been treasuring this amazing little gift quietly in our hearts over the past several months, and we will never hesitate to say that we give Him ALL the glory for this blessing. Our baby has already made it through a few scary circumstances throughout it’s little life from maternal complications that we didn’t expect (and remained unharmed and healthy!), making it even more apparent that the Lord is holding him/her safely in His hand. Every day I just can’t stop my heart from praising and thanking God for this little one, and every time we see him/her move and hear the heartbeat, we are reminded of His greatness and majesty that is apparent in every tiny detail of our lives.
In regards to our adoption – we are still adopting! We feel that our journey brought us down this road for a purpose, and we both know in our hearts that we have a son that is in Uganda (whether he’s been born yet or not). We have fallen in love with him and the beautiful truth of adoption, and we can’t ignore it. Stopping our adoption journey now would not only feel disobedient, but also like we were leaving and abandoning a part of our hearts, a part of our family oceans away; we just wouldn’t be complete.
With all that being said, having a baby does change the timeline of our adoption. It is our agency’s policy that if a couple becomes pregnant while in the process of adoption, their adoption is temporarily put on hold until their baby is 6-mo. old. At that time (for us April 2014), we will be put back on the list at the same number we were when our adoption was put on hold. If there are families below us at that time that have not been waiting as long as we have, we will be placed ahead of them on the list. It is largely believed that there should be at least 6-mo. between each new arrival of a child into a home to allow for optimum bonding between the child and family. While we do understand the reasoning behind the policies, we would be lying if we said this hasn’t discouraged us just a little bit. We didn’t realize this was in the huge stack of paperwork we received when we started our adoption. We’ve already been waiting for 17 mo. to see our son’s face, and adding another year + to that time was something we didn’t expect.
Very little of our journey to parenthood has been predictable. If you had asked me when we got married almost 6 years ago how our family would grow and when, I never would have told you this story. But God would have. He did know. Nothing about any of this surprised Him or took Him off guard. He knew when we started our adoption journey that we were going to get pregnant a little over a year later. We had no clue, but He did. He knows who our son is, and this change in the timeline didn’t phase Him and it doesn’t change that fact one bit. Yes, it means we will be waiting longer than we thought to meet our son. The wait is hard, it never gets easier, but like the Lord never stops pursuing us, we know all the waiting will be SO worth it, and we’re never going to stop pursuing our journey to our son. This is the story He has chosen to write for us, and there is no other story I’d rather be living.
So for now we are going to enjoy every second of preparing to meet the first of our miracle children. Like our son in Uganda, this baby is already loved by us (and many others!) more than I can adequately write words for. We know what an unbelievable blessing he/she is, and for the rest of his/her life, we will never forget that the Lord is good and sovereign and trustworthy. He wants good things for us, and while in the moment of struggle and pain, we often can’t see the purpose and don’t understand why things happen the way that they do, one day we will be blessed to look back and shout whole-hearted thanks to the Lord that He gave us what He did in His time and not ours.
O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.
Your plans for us are too numerous to list.
You have no equal.
If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds,
I would never come to the end of them.
Psalms 40:5 (NLT)